The inner bully is a very vulnerable person. We are not born to desire suffering, but it is very easy for us to cause suffering to our selves. If someone else spoke to you in the same harsh way that your own thoughts do, would you be friends with them? Would you try to console them? Would you love them? I am not writing this because I want to teach you about how to introduce self-love into your thoughts.  I am writing this because recently I have been faced with cruelty of outer bullies and the power their words have had over my life. To be strong is one thing, but chisel at a brick wall repeatedly and eventually you break it down.

Sharp tongues chisel at your heart. Soon you may begin to define yourself based on the words from an outer bully. The frequency with which they attack hurts deeply and it is all too easy to believe that you are worthless. Outer bullying manifests into inner bullying, and so goes the vicious cycle of insecurity.

You are NOT worthless, rather, you are precious, unique, and a gift to this world. We all are. It is a journey to honor yourself and it takes daily practice to rebuild your wall after a bully has stricken you. It may take days, weeks or even years to build yourself back up again but as with any practice, you must create time each day to honor yourself and soon it may only take seconds.

Here is a recommendation of what I do to feel strong and confident again after an interaction with an outer bully. To begin, you will need to gather your ingredients, or tools, to rebuild your wall.

Bricks (Purpose) – to shield

Trowel (Movement) – to shape

Mortar (Spirituality) – to bind

Next, take a paper and create 3 even columns with each tool/ingredient listed as a title. Under Purpose list the responsibilities you feel confident about achieving (i.e. your job, children, cooking healthy meals, financial balancing, volunteer work, etc.). Do the same for Movement, deciding which types of exercise make you feel incredible (this does not have to be a marathon or it can, whatever you enjoy). For Spirituality, find what brings you peace and connection (i.e. writing, praying, Church, tea before bed, meditation, yoga, touching plants).

Now, build your wall! Take your planner and set aside time to do one thing from each column each day. Follow a strict order or pick and choose as you feel fit. Perhaps you just block 30 minutes each day; 10 minutes of budgeting, 10 minutes of gardening, and 10 minutes of meditation. The important thing is to take action in all three columns because otherwise a wall cannot stand tall. Your Purpose makes you feel confident to ward off harm in the future, as your Movement builds strength and vitality within. And it is with Spirituality that binds our total greatness as a bully-proof wall.

By Meagan Cuoto

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